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Meaning & Struggle | Mortality Salience
THE THOUGHT
Years ago I watched Tim Urban talk about the Life Calendar. Rows and columns of empty boxes, each one representing a single week of a 90-year life. He challenged the audience to mark each week they had lived.
I rushed to draw my own.
Row after row, my hand moved without much thought. Black ink for weeks gone. Easy enough. Done. I stepped back and stared at my life in boxes. My past looked smaller than expected. My future undeniably finite.
Urgency flooded in. A trace of regret for some of the filled boxes. The overwhelming need to make each remaining box count.
The grid vanished into a drawer, but now I see the boxes everywhere. Birthdays. Summers. Conversations with my parents. Breakfasts with close friends. All finite. Each Sunday fills another box whether I pay attention or not.
Do you know how many weeks you have left?
It is not death that a man should fear, but rather he should fear never beginning to live.
THE DIVE
Death's Two Paths
Mortality salience is the psychological state triggered when death moves into conscious awareness. It sits at the heart of Terror Management Theory, which examines how humans handle knowing they will die.
You would think this awareness would inspire courage and authenticity. But decades of research found something different.
In 1989, psychologists Sheldon Solomon, Jeff Greenberg, and Tom Pyszczynski ran hundreds of experiments reminding people of death. Just small prompts. "Please describe what happens when you die." "Imagine your death."
Then they measured behaviour.
People became more prejudiced against outsiders. More defensive of their cultural beliefs. Harsher judges of moral violations. They clung tighter to their worldviews and punished those who threatened them.
Mortality reminders increased materialism and status-seeking. Participants wanted expensive cars. Designer brands. Visible symbols of success.
Judges recommended harsher bail amounts after mortality reminders. Job candidates set higher salary expectations. People became more aggressive defenders of their beliefs.
Death awareness triggers existential anxiety. To cope, we grab onto things that feel permanent. Cultural values. Group identity. Material possessions. Anything that promises we matter.
But a different set of studies found the opposite pattern. Researchers called it the Scrooge Effect. People interviewed near a funeral home reported more positive attitudes toward charities than those interviewed blocks away. When reminded of death, participants donated more money and felt greater satisfaction from giving.
People who are naturally open to new experiences respond differently to mortality salience. Instead of becoming defensive, they became more curious about death. They explored it as something novel rather than something to avoid.
Proximity to death can sharpen experience. Hospice workers note that patients with months to live often describe their final period as the most vivid time of their lives.
The same awareness that makes some people clutch and defend makes others release and connect. The difference is not what you know but how you encounter it.
What makes death awareness liberate instead of trap?
COMMUNITY
Inner Lab
THE SHIFT
Make Time Visible
The Life Calendar did not make me think about death. It made me think about time. It turned something abstract into something measurable. Instead of fear I felt direction.
This is memento mori. Remember you will die.
The Stoics kept skulls on their desks. Medieval calendars marked each month with a reminder of death. Buddhist monks meditate on corpses. Some people write their obituary every year. Others calculate their age in days. All reminders of a practice meant to anchor purposeful living.
Mortality salience can collapse a life or clarify it. The difference is our response after the reminder.
The clutching response feels like contraction. You reach for proof you matter: status symbols, achievements. You try to make yourself permanent.
The clarifying response feels like release. You focus on what actually matters. You move toward people. You try to make time count.
If you feel yourself clutching, ask: "What would I do with my life if I trusted I already mattered?" Let awareness sharpen your aim, not tighten your chest.
When you see your life measured in weeks, you realize the point is to use it wisely, not to outrun it. Oliver Burkeman calls this "4,000 Weeks." The number is not a threat but a container. It creates edges and gives meaning to what you choose to place inside it.
Let the limit become a boundary that helps you decide. A signal that says this week is one of the few you get. Make it hold something worth keeping.
What will make this week count?
NOTEWORTHY
Read: The Worm at the Core by Sheldon Solomon, Jeff Greenberg, and Tom Pyszczynski — Twenty-five years of research revealing how fear of death secretly drives buying cars, seeking fame, and waging wars.
Watch: Why Thinking About Death Helps You Live a Better Life by Alua Arthur — A death doula asks what we must do to be at peace with ourselves and die gracefully.
Explore: The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker — Pulitzer Prize-winning exploration of how humanity's refusal to acknowledge mortality shapes civilization itself.
This publication is a space for learning and reflection. Nothing in this email is medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice. These ideas are general insights on human behaviour, not treatment or diagnosis. Each reader’s situation is unique and deserves the right kind of support. If you are struggling or in crisis, please contact a licensed mental health professional or crisis hotline.